Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Is my boyfriend to controlling?

I've been dating a guy for 4 months. I lost my virginity to him. And now i don't know what to do. I care about him alot, more then anyone else! But in the earlier stages of our relationship i went behind his back, and smoked which is a 'rule' of his... I lied about being with his friends. (I'm not allowed with his friends, because of trust issues.) He found me laying on one of my good guy friends... Nothing more then friends... Etc.. However, we broke up and got back together. And i promised not to lie, or go behind his back.. Which i haven't. Now he has rules for me. I'm not allowed to speak to boys. I cant drink or smoke. Temporarily im not allowed at any of my (female) friends house's including my best friends. Becuase he thinks i will smoke - like i did in the past. Boys are 100% OFF limitssss.. I cant ride in cars with them or anything.. he expects me to ignore anyone who speaks to me. (if its a boy) he says its all because i lied the first two months of our relatinship and this is how it has to be until he trusts me... Do i deserve this?..Is this fair? .. I no i lied, but i cant decide whether or not he's being to controlling or not. He says if it were up to him i would have no friends and doesnt care he's ruined relationships ive had with people for years.. becuase they're guys. I don't cheat, never have... He has. But says im 'different'.. I lost my virginity to him and its going to be very diffucult for me to get over him.. mentally. I dont no what to do.. Help would be much appreciated.Is my boyfriend to controlling?
wtf... seriously? ...wtf.Is my boyfriend to controlling?
He's definitely too controlling...get out now before it escalates.
It's quite obvious that the answer to your question is yes. He is your boyfriend, not your father. Therefore, he really has no right to tell you what you can do, who you can see etc. And control freaks only get worse.... it's only been 4 months.... it WILL get worse. It always does. It may even lead to emotional %26amp; physical abuse (not always though.) My best advice is to leave him and find someone new.
This is not okay. He should not make rules for you and tell you who you are allowed to talk to. You shouldn't have had to lie to him in the first place because he should except you for who you are. Get out NOW
Well, you shouldn't be ';laying'; on boys anyway if you have a boyfriend. The rest of his rules are ridiculous though, he has to trust that you won't do anything appropriate with boys. As far as smoking and drinking...if it effects the relationship then I guess it's a real problem. Good luck.
he is very controlling, that is not healthy at all.
Wow. You're still with him? Desperate?
what do you think? just by scanning through some of this. my answer is yes.
This man is WAY controlling and is taking over your life. You can't let someone treat u like that, u will never be happy...EVER. And the longer u stick around the WORST it will get. Get out of this relationship while u can, or you are gonna be misable everyday you are with him
Don't ever let a guy control you. It will break you down and you will lose all the aspects that make you shine!





by:itsallnaked from: http://www.itsallnaked.com
Omfg he is defintily controling....Everyone need a second chance that just not right break up with him ASAP
No, its not fair for you. He maybe watching out for you but his controlling your life and it sounds like I wouldn't like a life like that. I would also make rules of the guy like no talking to girls, no going to friends house if there a girl there. Equal is equal. Trust one another. That what had happened to me and my guy before he and I got married and had 4 wonderful kids.
umm yeah. i would dump him.
Yes he is controlling and anyway you already knew the answer. You needed us to confirm this for you. Get out while you can because this guy sounds controlling and dangerous. check out the domestic violence laws in your state because I'll lay odds that you are going to need to know them very soon.
Yeah he is. I understand when someone is being protective, but that is way too controlling. I totally respect his rule of no smoking or drinking because I would not do that either. But if you have made a promise on not to do it again, he shouldn't punish you for it. I honestly think you should express you feelings, and if he says he isn't going to change, let him down, because it isn't worth it if your freedom is VERY controlled, right?





Hope I helped!!(=
I think he shows every single red flag for an emotionally abusive boyfriend. Maybe your relationship is not abusive, but it's definitely not healthy.
That's way too controlling, get out of the relationship now before it becomes dangerous, please it's unsafe!
Okay sweetheart. Thats not cool. Yes you lied, but you deserve some respect! If hes treating you like this you dont deserve it. And hes cheated on you??? Not okay. I understand that hes your first, but you can do better! Just be more careful on the next relationship. Dont put up with that ****. Friends are very important.
omg get out and get out fast. he sounds like a worden not a boyfriend. how the ***** do u deal with all of that bull sh*it my girlfriend talks to aa bunch of guys 24/7 and idc a accept she has a life i let her drink even tho i dont approve of it i just tell her to stay safe honestly tell him you need space our your over.





good luck babe
It would seem you know the true answer. YES. he is treating you as if you are his child. do you apply the same rules for him, even though you haven't caught him lying. If you had friends that you visited/spent time with prior to him, never let them go. Even if you all shared a bad habit of smoking, find another way of kicking the habit, not by isolating yourself solely to him. Not to mention you GAVE him your virginity...did you really want to? you do know you can never get that back. Though smoking is a bad habit, you shouldn't have to not be around you friends...is that all you had your friends for was smoking??? hopefully you all did more...so now what do you do? what do you friends think? he seems a little dangerous. He cheated, but you are different...that sounds like a famous TV line and then a few scenes later the guy beat his girlfriend for disobeying him.
wow i stoped reading at drink and smoke thats not controlling thats just bullshit
This is a very unhealthy relationship i understand you may care about him a lot considering you lost it to him but this is very unhealthy he is controlling you and it is not right at all! This could lead to abuse (not necessarily) but possibly you need to get out of This relationship immediately before it gets worse or escalates!
yes he is way to controlling.if you havent lied to him the past 2 months then he should trust you by now.youre supposed to trust the people you love.i dont know what age you are so if youre to young to drink or smoke then he's just protecting you.but if youre over the age he should respect your decisions.even if theyre bad ones.but i think he's being absolutely ridiculous about all these rules for you.my aunt has a controlling husband.he doesnt let her do much.she has to ask about anything before she does it.just dont end up marrying this person if he's still controlling.you'll regret it later on.i would also suggest dumping him.after some time you'll get over him.then u can just move on with your life and date someone more respectful
naw girl i mean you shouldnt lie...i agree on that ...but you are your owen person and i def wouldnt let him tel me who i can hang out with or what to do i know that?? thats just crazy ha
I really wish I could help but that sounds like that only u and ur heart can answer ur question, but I will say that that's the first sign of abuse most of the time. I wish u the best may god help u.
he is seriously countrolling, like BAD. usually in relationships exactly like this, the relationships develop into abusive relationships and that can be really dangerous,obviously. before its too late you need to tell him that he's being rediculus, that its fine for you to have friends that are guys because they've been your friends for so long nothings going to happen, you should be able to go to your friends houses and all that, he cant tell you who you can and cant be friends with and all that stuff. just dont be harsh about it cuz who knows if hed hit you.
get rid of him before it starts to get worse. he could start to get violent


i know the loss of your virginity you think your in love, but if hes treating you like this then get over him as quick as possible.
Guys like this are not good. what he is doing is trying to isolate you so that all you have is him. right now it is just about friends, wait a while and itll be your family too. He wants you to be dependent on him as pointed out by your second to last sentence up there. Im tellin you cuz I know, Im older, and Im a strong woman, get the hell out of this now. whats next??? is he going to hit you if you disobey him?? Is he your daddy? arent you a person withe your own thoughts and feelings? You need to love yourself and if you stay with him you are not. this really could end in the murder of you, is that what it would take to make you see the truth??? I wouldnt lie to you, I gain nothing from this typing except for 2 points I could get from another question that requires less typing.
If you feel that you have to lie to him and do things behind his back, he's not the one for you.





Love is a matter of trust. You, initially, didn't live up to his expectations, and now he feels like he needs to control you in order to turn you into the person he wants you to be. He controls you because he thinks that you'll cheat like he did.





I think I've probably got a few years on you. Trust me. You have many friends now who will stick around for the rest of your life. This loser won't.





Hold out for the right guy~one who wants to be with you for who you are. (And, as a side note, you're not going to find love in sex. Sex is a benefit of loving relationship-value yourself more than just giving it up to a jerk.)
Sounds like he's cheating.
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